The Weight of Always Being “On” & How Control Turns Life Into Performance

The UNBecoming Reset · Week 2

When control becomes the cage.

Control convinces us that if we manage every detail, tighten every string, & ‘predict’ every outcome, then we’ll finally be safe. We perform. We overprepare. We grip so tightly that we forget what it feels like to breathe.

At first, control feels like power. It gives us the illusion that nothing can slip through the cracks, that chaos can’t touch us if we’re meticulous enough. But control doesn’t create safety, it creates a cage. The endless chase robs us of spontaneity, joy, & trust in ourselves.

If you followed me during my days as an influencer, you saw the inner battle for control in its most exacerbated external form. For every post you double-tapped, you didn’t see me rewriting the caption ten times—drafting, deleting, rewriting— until the words no longer felt like mine. For every photo, you didn’t see me staging, restaging, re-re-staging the setup in search of the “perfect” shot. A bowl shifted half an inch. A napkin folded & refolded until the fibers went limp. Lighting adjusted so many times the food grew cold under its glare.

Recording a voiceover again & again, until my throat was raw & my voice cracked from strain. Hours vanished into the glow of my phone screen, my back stiff from hunching over, my chest tight with the hum of anxiety.

All in the name of perfection & control.

Part II. of The UNBecoming, Control

Control robbed me of my peace. What began as care & attention turned into utter obsession. Instead of creating, I was performing for an audience I couldn’t even see. Instead of joy, I felt only the pressure of getting it right. Right isn’t even the best way to describe it. Perfect would be more accurate. The grip became so tight it left marks on me, pushing me past the point of return.

What once gave me life began to drain it from me.

Control told me:

if you just work harder, if you just look perfect, if you just stay on top of it all, you’ll be safe.

But that grip left me exhausted. Hollow. Afraid of what might happen if I loosened my hand. I felt like my whole world would come crashing down.

The truth is, control doesn’t keep the storm away. It just keeps us clenched while the storm passes through. And when our fists are tight, we can’t receive joy or ease.

This week is about noticing where your grip has become a stranglehold. Where the need to overmanage, predict, & polish has crossed from care into obsession. Control promises protection, but often it’s just fear wearing armor. The work here isn’t to abandon responsibility, but to see where control has stopped protecting you & started consuming you.

The aim is to loosen your hold, even slightly, to let life breathe again.

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Reflection (start your week here)

I recorded this reflection so you can hear it, not just read it.