Earlier this week, I went on a stroll around my neighborhood and could finally start to see the vibrant signs of spring.
And I love a nature walk. A time to take in my surroundings & see the season unfold.
The interesting thing about this time of year, at least here in the Midwest, is how uneven it all is. You’ll see trees & plants in full bloom. I’m talking rich, luscious, healthy displays of color. They’re fully in their “I’m IT” era.
And then right across the street, you’ll find trees that are barely getting started. A few buds here & there. Sparse, meager-looking, easy to overlook, & not much to draw the eye in.
Seeing that visual made me think of my friend group.
We’re all in our mid-30s, & many of us are in seasons of growth & expansion. Couples are pregnant or have a baby crawling around. Homes are being expanded, renovated, or fully reimagined. Careers are taking off: promotions, new roles, bigger responsibilities. And in between all of that, there are trips being planned, passports getting stamped, group chats buzzing about weddings, baby showers, & where everyone’s headed next.
There’s a very visible sense of forward movement. Life is playing out, loudly & beautifully, & in ways that are easy to point to & say, yes, this is progress.
Then… there’s me.
I won’t say I’m the only one, but I’m definitely in the minority whose life looks a bit different right now. There’s no baby on the way. No life partner. No clearly defined career path at the moment. And sure, I could look at that & say, damn… my life isn’t moving the way it’s supposed to.
But that wouldn’t be true. And honestly, it wouldn’t be fair.
Because the more I sat with it, the more I realized: our lives, no matter how close they may look from the outside, are entirely our own.
Our paths are not shared. They just happen to run near each other for a time.
What’s meant for you will find you. What’s meant for me will find me. And it will unfold at a pace & in a timing that is uniquely ours.
And if I’m keeping it a hunnid*, internally, I’ve never been better. I feel at peace. I feel happy. I feel content with my life & the decisions I’ve made. And sometimes… that doesn’t line up with what’s visible on the outside.
There’s a quiet beauty in that. Because not everything that’s growing is obvious. Not everything that’s blooming looks loud or impressive or even “on time.” Some things are happening beneath the surface, in ways that don’t need comparison to be valid.
So if you’ve been looking around lately & wondering where you stand in relation to everyone else…
This one’s for you.
*keeping it a hunnid, AAVE for honest or completely genuine
Dear You,
It happens so quickly. You look up for a moment, & suddenly you’re measuring…
Where someone else is. What they’ve done. How far they’ve come. And without even realizing it, your own life starts to feel smaller in comparison. You look to the left & someone seems ahead. You look to the right & someone seems behind. And somehow, you end up right in the middle, questioning where you’re supposed to be. But your life was never meant to be understood that way.
There isn’t a single timeline we’re all moving along. There isn’t a shared clock keeping score. The idea of being “ahead” or “behind” only exists when you step outside of your own path & try to place yourself on someone else’s.
And of course, it will feel off when you do.
Because your life is not meant to mirror theirs. Your timing is not meant to match theirs. Your unfolding will not look like anything you can compare it to.
You are building something that can only be built at your pace, through your experiences, in your own way. And comparison has a way of pulling you out of that. It makes you forget what’s already working, growing, & uniquely yours. It makes you overlook your own life.
Ask yourself:
Where have I been comparing instead of noticing what’s mine?
What would shift if I stayed rooted in my own path?
If you’re looking for ease, really sit with these questions.
You are not behind. You are not ahead. You are in your life.
And that is the only place you’re meant to be.
With you, right where you are,
Kasim